


The Admission

by deservetobesaved (andloushallguideme)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Broken Dean, Coda, Emotions, Episode: s13e06 Tombstone, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Castiel, Post-Episode: s13e06 Tombstone, Season/Series 13, kind of pre-slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-12 02:58:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13538238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andloushallguideme/pseuds/deservetobesaved
Summary: Castiel finds out Dean threatened to kill Jack. He also finds out how broken Dean was when he died. So, naturally, he confronts him about it.A sort of fix-it coda, in or after 13x06.





	The Admission

“Would you like a sandwich, Castiel?” Jack was in the kitchen when Cas walked in. He had a smile on his face, and he had jars of peanut butter and jelly out.

“No, thank you, Jack,” Cas replied, grinning back and taking a seat at the island-like table in the middle of the kitchen. He clasped his hands in front of him and watched his nephew spread peanut butter on one slice and jelly on the other, like any other normal kid on the planet. It was startling to remember how much power he held and who his father was. He was lightning in a bottle.

“How are you?” Cas tilted his head, waiting for a response.

“I’m good, Castiel. Better, now that you’re here,” he replied kindly. Before he met Jack, he had no idea how he would behave and what he would be like. He was not expecting him to be so sweet. Castiel assumed he took after Kelly in this aspect, for Lucifer lost any shred of kindness he had millennia ago.

“I’m glad, Jack. I’m glad you feel like you fit in; here with Sam and Dean.”

Jack stopped eating his sandwich abruptly, as if remembering something, then nodded along. His eyebrows furrowed, and he opened his mouth to say something but shut it soon after.

“What is it?” Castiel pressed on. He wanted him to feel like he could confide in him. He promised Kelly he would protect him, but more than that, he felt innately protective of Jack.

“Well, it’s true; Sam and Dean… and you, you’re my family. Though Dean didn’t always feel that way. He’s gotten better, though. Much better…” He trailed off, staring at the entrance like he was afraid Dean might pass by and hear him. He went around the table and took a seat next to Cas with his half eaten sandwich.

Castiel sighed inwardly and bit his lip. He had a feeling Dean wouldn’t take kindly to Jack right away but he didn’t know to what extent. So far he had seen Dean treat him nicely, but how did he act when Castiel was presumed dead?

“What was he like with you, when I was gone? It’s okay, you can tell me,” he reassured him and patted his arm.

Jack looked down at the table and then met Cas’ eyes.

“Dean told me that if I had to be killed, he was going to do it. He could hardly look at me… I heard him say that to Sam. He said I reminded him of everyone they had lost. I think he was just sad that he had lost you. I think he might have blamed me for it… I wanted to say sorry, but I didn’t want to bring your name up. Saying your name… made him become serious. More serious than he already was.” Jack took a deep breath and let it out easily. He sat up straighter and looked at Castiel’s awestruck face.

“I think I need to talk to Dean,” Castiel stood up and Jack stopped him by grabbing his arm.

“No, it’s okay, Castiel. Things are okay, now,” he pleaded. Cas looked at his soft expression.

“Jack, you know it’s not your fault I died, right? I decided to go in after Lucifer; I put my own life on the line. That’s not on you,” he supplied, putting his hand on Jack’s shoulder.

“Okay,” he said hesitantly, and added, as an afterthought, “but really, you don’t need to talk to Dean. As soon as you came back he was happy again. I saw him smile for the first time since meeting him. Everything is okay now.” Castiel’s face warmed and he gave Jack a small smile.

“Okay, Jack. I’m not going to yell at him. I just want to talk about some things. Don’t worry, alright?” Jack nodded slowly and proceeded to finish his sandwich while Castiel walked into the hallway and towards Dean’s room. He was showering earlier and he hoped he was done. Castiel needed to confront him about Jack. He arrived at his door and knocked, entering when he heard a gruff “Come in.”

Dean was sitting on one side of the bed, putting on his boots and tying them up. He looked up and grinned at Cas, and Castiel was reminded of how Dean looked when he saw pie.

“Hey, Cas, what’s up?” He continued tying his shoes and Castiel cleared his throat for a few seconds. He hadn’t actually thought about what he was going to say.

“Is everything okay?” Dean asked slowly. His smile faded and he gripped the edge of the bed, like he was bracing himself. Was he always on edge when Castiel approached him to talk about something serious?

“Yes… Kind of…” Castiel took a breath and continued, “I was just talking to Jack and… I just need you to know that it wasn’t his fault I died. And I want you to stop blaming him for it. I don’t know if you still think that but it’s important that you understand. He told me you said you’d kill him… Would you still?” Cas looked at him expectantly and Dean froze, clearly caught off guard.

“I… No, of course not, Cas,” Dean sighed and placed his hands on his head. He looked up at Cas with an air of sadness.

“Look…maybe I would have at first, but then I got to know the kid. He saved Sam and he was so eager for me to like him, and he didn’t, doesn’t, seem to care at all about Lucifer and… I know now that he’s good… As long as he’s with us he’ll be okay,” he finished, looking at Cas’ tie instead of at his eyes. Castiel licked his lips and shifted his weight. He sat in a chair in front of Dean, a little to the right of him, and clasped his hands again, his elbows resting on his knees.

“I’m glad you saw the error of your ways.”

“I did.” Dean gulped and looked at him straight on, waiting for more.

“What about blaming him for me dying? You still think it’s his fault?” Castiel said hesitantly. He didn’t want Dean to pretend to like Jack only to harbor feelings of mistrust deep down.

“Not really… I do think he influenced you in some way. He’s very powerful, Cas. And it’s a little worrisome. I don’t think he’s evil but, he needs to learn to control himself, and I think he’s capable of that. He just needs guidance.” Dean added hesitantly, as if worried he was going to make Cas upset.

“He may very well have had some effect on me when Kelly was still pregnant with him. But even if he did, I don’t regret standing up for him. He has the power to do good. And you’re right, with us by his side he’ll be better,” Castiel agreed. He was glad Dean was now on the same page as him, but there was one other thing he wanted to bring up. He gripped the chair’s arms and braced himself.

“And… I’m sorry I wasn’t here when he was born. I didn’t mean to cause you pain,” Castiel reached out to touch him but stopped, putting his hand back on his lap.

Dean chuckled dryly as he looked down at his own withered jeans. He rubbed his face and looked up at Cas with red rimmed eyes.

“I was… I’m not going to lie to you, Cas. Because we’ve done enough of that to last us a lifetime. I was broken up, to put it lightly.” He refused to meet Cas’ eyes then and focused on the lamp on the night stand next to him. Castiel gulped and felt his own eyes begin to betray his calm demeanor.

“I- I was the one who wrapped you up. Looking at your lifeless body; I couldn’t do it. I kept thinking that if I looked at you long enough, you’d just open your eyes and say, ‘Hello, Dean.’ And you’d get up, dust yourself off and we’d go deal with Jack together. But you didn’t. You didn’t wake up at all. Not when we laid you on the table, not when I wrapped you up, not when we burned you.” Dean was now rambling like he was talking to himself, like he was unaware of Castiel trying to hold himself together before him.

“And then I prayed to Chuck and nothing happened. For days I went to sleep with the image of you getting stabbed. Over and over again. I lost hope. I even- the thought of dying, I didn’t really mind it anymore.”

“Dean,” Castiel whispered and shook his head slightly. But Dean continued.

“But then you called me. And I swear my heart was going to jump out of my chest. I swear it. And I sped off, wondering, ‘Is this is too good to be true? Could this be an impostor?’ But then you were there, trench coat and all. Like nothing had happened. It took all I had in me to not just run up to you and-” he stopped and smiled shyly.

“Cas, I need you to promise me something. And I know it’s impossible because crazy shit happens to us all the time, but just humor me. Promise me… Promise you won’t die again. Promise you won’t,” Dean’s body shuddered and he whispered, “promise you won’t leave me.”

Cas let his eyes betray him and the tears rolled down as he stood up and walked the few steps toward Dean. He stood between his legs and hugged him, feeling his shirt become damp from Dean’s tears. Dean stood up abruptly and full on hugged Castiel. He held on to him tightly and pressed their bodies close together. Close enough that Cas inhaled the scent of Dean’s shampoo and soap and felt his slightly damp hair from his shower on his cheek.

“I promise. I promise I won’t leave you. This is my home…You’re my home, Dean Winchester.”

He heard Dean laugh quietly and then he heard three words he never expected to hear from him. Three words that filled him with joy; the kind of joy he had never experienced or hoped to.

“I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I just really want Cas to know how much Dean missed him. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Visit me on tumblr! (deservetobesaved)


End file.
